People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. It has nothing new to tell you.
I’m old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.
The best revenge is massive success.
Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
When you fall, I will be there to catch you – With love, the floor.
I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
It’s not important to win, it’s important to make the other guy lose.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.
Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve been doing nothing for years.
Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.
If you don’t succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.
A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter… people the opposite.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
The road to success is always under construction.
Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
I am too lazy to be lazy.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
He who laughs last didn’t get it.
Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn’t seen my big screen TV.
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
special to me