Growing older is compulsory. However, growing up remains optional.
Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
The best way to look younger, hang out with older people.
The hardest job facing kids today is to learn good manners without seeing any.
I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.
After getting drunk, Bachelor of Technology turns into Master of Philosophy.
When you can’t marry the one you love, :'( marry the one who is rich !! :)
I wish I could Google “things to eat in my fridge” so I wouldn’t have to go downstairs and be disappointed.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
The guy who invented ties was trying to hang himself and then caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and thought, “Hey, I actually look good”
I saw a notice outside a police station which read: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY. So I went in and applied for the job.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
A women saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing”.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the ATM.
That awkward moment when your phone goes off full volume at a funeral, and your ringtone is… “I Will Survive”
Hi, I am Mr Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
Women always complain that “all men are dogs” but what they fail to realise is that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear make up and boys lie.
I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
Behave, What you do today will be on whatsapp tomorrow.
My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said It’s freaking 2015, I’ll rent a boat…..
Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..
If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who always argue should be called ANGRY BIRDS.
Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, it’s called a credit card.
Sorry, I can’t hangout. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time..
Taking 30 minutes to shower, because you like to stand there, under the hot water, just thinking about life.
I need 6months vacation, twice a year..
C.L.A.S.S – Come Late And Start Sleeping
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
I’ll be a billionaire once I’m done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.
That awkward moment when you keep talking and you don`t realize your friend walked away.
If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.
I’m usually charming, nice, and well manured, OK for those who really know me you can laugh now..
Don’t make promises when you’re happy. Don’t reply when you’re angry. Don’t make decisions when you’re sad. Don’t text when your drunk :)
